Labels in the educational environment

Do you remember what they used to say to you when you were a child?

What were the labels you were given?

Educators, parents, groups of friends and in general the vast majority of people are accustomed to confusing identity with all the logical levels of the person, with conduct or behavior, abilities or skills, or with values or beliefs.

Examples include:

"You are Spanish" -> we confuse Identity with Environment.

"You're messy" -> we confuse Identity with a Behavior.

"You are Muslim" -> we confuse Identity with Beliefs.

"You are very familiar" -> we confuse Identity with Values.

As educators, we must be attentive to the way we refer to ourselves as well as to others and especially to children, who are developing individuals who are continually absorbing what we say to them.

When using the verb BE we make the mistake of addressing ourselves or others in a distorted way, creating labels that can often limit them, since they end up being integrated into the personality of the person as part of his or her identity.

When we tell a child "You are smart", reinforcing it every time he/she gets a good grade, what happens is that very high expectations are generated in the child, he/she may think he/she is smart in everything but may not get a 10 in everything, which may lower his/her level of self-esteem, alter his/her perception of pleasing his/her parents and may also reduce his/her frustration management when he/she does not get the highest grade.

Another example is when we tell the learner:

"You are disorderly" here we are talking about a behavior that can vary depending on the circumstances, and by saying it the child ends up believing it, reaffirming his behavior, besides being self-fulfilling statements because if the child believes he is disorderly, he will naturally have disorderly behaviors. In addition, this type of labels can last in time, limiting the expression of the person as the Being that he/she is.

We can change the way we communicate by expressing criticism in the first person.

For example:

Instead of saying to the child or learner: "you are messy" we can describe what we observe, what we feel, express our need and make a request.

We could tell you:

"I see your toys are scattered on the living room floor, which you are not using because you are watching TV, I feel frustration every time this happens, I need the living room to be tidy when I am in it so I can enjoy the space too, could you pick up the toys and put them back in their place when you are done playing with them?"

In this way we explain to the child our need without attacking his identity or labeling him and I can assure you that his disposition will be very different and he will most likely collaborate and understand your motives and needs.

The way we communicate is key to strengthening our relationship with our children or students.

By communicating assertively, children will learn to do so in the same way, gradually being able to express their needs and emotions, since parents and other people of reference are their role models and they learn by observing us.

However, we should also check the way we talk to ourselves, and if necessary make an adjustment, starting from the inside out.