Nonviolent Communication

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you transmit a message to the other person about something you dislike or some need you have and the interlocutor instead of receiving the message rejects it, generating disengagement and often conflict?

Marshall Rosenberg was an American psychologist who dedicated his life to the study of communication. He was raised in the hostile environment of the neighborhoods of Detroit, which made him interested from an early age in seeking peaceful communication alternatives to the violence he perceived in society. One of his most famous books entitled "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" is the one in which he expressed this theory.

Rosenberg identified an approach to communication between speaking and listening that leads us to give from the heart, to connect with ourselves and others in a way that allows our natural compassion to emerge.

He uses the expression "nonviolent" in the same sense that Gandhi used it when referring to the compassion that human beings naturally express when their hearts renounce violence.

Nonviolent or compassionate communication argues that most conflicts between people or groups arise because of the incorrect way of communicating our needs due to the manipulative language we use whose objective is to induce fear, guilt, shame, etc. This type of communication does not allow us to connect with the other and express what we want to convey, thus generating more conflict.

We all know that good communication is fundamental for the life of human beings. And being social beings that are part of a large network that unites us all, it is vital to be able to express ourselves clearly and concisely so that our receiver - who is full of his own meanings - clearly understands the message we want to convey, creating union and understanding.

Rosenberg proposes 4 components to communicate assertively:

1- Observe without evaluating or judging:

When communicating something we must focus on the facts (what we see, hear or touch) and differentiating the message from our evaluations of meaning and importance. Communicating concrete acts that are affecting our wellbeing.

2- Identify and express feelings:

To clarify and consciously identify our emotions or sensations, free of thought and history, of judgments, of emotional burdens. How we feel in relation to what we observe.

3- Be responsible for our needs and how we express them:

To be aware and responsible for our needs, values, desires that give rise to our feelings; to use empathy to understand the needs of others, free of prejudices and evaluations to communicate assertively.

4- Make requests:

Communicate requests for specific, honest action, free of demands. Concrete actions that we ask for to enrich our lives.

I invite you to apply these 4 components when transmitting a message so that you can enjoy the benefits.

If we aspire to build relationships that last and that, as a whole, contribute to the peace we so long for, let nonviolent communication be our main ally in achieving it.

Give yourself permission to communicate from the heart and to offer a non-violent version of your emotions!